7 kinds of annoying Pakistanis on Facebook
We would like to thank Hafsa Omer for this insightful post =)
Disclaimer: We, at Ideas Evolved, do NOT wish to offend, degrade or pinpoint anyone, any group or any community. The purpose of this post is SOLELY to amuse and we sincerely hope that our readers would see it like that.
With the popularity of Facebook having risen, Pakistanis haven’t been far behind in using it. No, leave ‘Leave far behind!’ They’ve flooded the site to such an extent that I believe Mark Zuckerberg should keep a quota for the percentage of Pakistanis on facebook! So here’s my take on the 7 obvious, and ridiculously annoying types:
1. The Rohndoos:
These are the ones who just can not help but keep crying and whining on and about how sad/bad or unfair life and this world is to them. They are prone to updating statuses like the following everyday:
“I Fe3L LyK crYing! I h@te ma lyfe!”
“So0o lonely! Nobody cares about me! I jus d0nt want 2 live!!”
“My life SUxxx!”
“I want to end ma life!”
(Yes please, go ahead and spare us this torture)
They, I firmly believe, are people who used to keep the lyrics ‘Zindagi Nay Zindagi Bhar Ghum Diay” as their MSN ‘nick’ with the picture of a slashed wrist, with the oozing blood spelling ‘Heart-broken’ and have now graced us with their pleasant presence on Facebook.
2. The Fake-Sweet Despo and NADRA-People-In-Disguise:
They are mostly male and after a few weeks of talking to a girl on the site through comments, statuses and messages, they get to the real reason for all this exertion:
“Hey, I want to see you. Can I see your picture?”
If the answer is a ‘NO,’ they try other possible means:
“Hi, why don’t you give me your number? It’ll be easier to talk through texts.”
(Kyun aap ko mazdoori karni parti hai yahan baat kernay kay liye?)
From the nature of their questions and the requests to girls to tell their age/location /number – I often feel like they should be asked: “Bhai aap nay mera NADRA ka card banwana hai?” (NADRA stands for National Database and Registration Authority, for those of you who didn’t know)
And the end is emotional blackmailing:
“Don’t you trust me?”
(No, I don’t, you freak!)
3. The GEO-type Blabbers:
Yes, I call them GEO-type for they leave no status updated to write about each and every moment and detail in their life. They just can’t stop jabbering and talking! Their profile walls are like freakin news channels!
“Just woke up! Good morninggggg Pakistan!”
“Going to my Khala’s! Soo excited!”
“Going to Arizona Grill.”
“In the car! What a weather today.”
“Ate too much. Gotta go to the bathroom.”
4. The Typicals:
Typical Pakistanis that do nothing but bombast the system of the country, find conspiracy in everything that happens here and talk of how revolution is imperative to any progress while doing nothing themselves to bring a change.
When Pakistan loses a crucial match:
“This is one big fat conspiracy against us! There was pork spread under the ground and the players got to know of it and lost because had they won they wouldn’t have been able prostrate on it! DOWN WITH BLACKWATER!”
They would update a status “We need a revolution!” while listening to Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’.
Their motto is: “Come what may, I shalt ‘like’ it anyway.”
Person 1: “My grandfather is in coma, please pray for him.”
Blind-Liker: ‘Likes’ it.
Person 2: “is bored”
Blind-liker: ‘Likes’ it.
Person 2 “rolls her eyes” at blind-liker.
Blind-liker: ‘Likes’ it.
That’s how they go about. ‘Liking’ is their business
6. The Aunties and Uncles:
These are married aunties that still keep the photo of their wedding shoot on the display and when you open their profiles, you learn they have 3 children, the eldest being 17.
And uncles that keep their passport photos as the display pictures dated 1980 and send cheap messages to all ‘desi’ women on the site. Need we say more?
7. The Insecures:
These are all the newly-turned-teenage girls and boys that are looking for ‘love’ and ‘frandship’ on the internet. With names like ‘Lahori Munda,’ ‘Life-Taker’ or ‘Desi Girl’ and pictures of rarely-known-in-Pakistan-foreign-celebrities put up to fool others, these kids should be advised to go watch Commander Safeguard series on the TV rather than ‘facebooking’.