Confessions of a Pervert
Ever come across a pervert in your life? Probably you have.
Ever endeavored to hear their end of story? No you haven’t.
So let me tell a story, my story – the story of a pervert.
I admit this is only one version of a story and perhaps you won’t like it but i hope you will keep your patience and bear with it.
I was born pure and innocent like every other child in this universe. So what went wrong? Well here is the answer. I think that my family went careless in my upbringing. That and some idiotic elder cousins who liked to share their dirty thoughts with a child.
To elaborate, what my family did wrong was that they watched movies with me in the same room. Perhaps they thought a kid of two years wouldn’t notice. But that’s the worst assumption. After two years the kids do notice and start to memorize everything they watch or hear. After I grew a little older, they would send me out of the room when some “scene” came but before I got out I had already noticed what the actresses were wearing or the intimacy portrayed. And afterwards I wondered why my family sent me out during those scenes. My curiosity turned into some kind of obsession and I started watching those scenes secretly to find the truth in them. Of course, I didn’t learn anything then but those episodes added to my mental collection of seductive images waiting to trap me later in life. I was in grade 2 and already I had seen a girl in a thong in some stupid movie my brother was watching with me in the room. He didn’t care how it would affect me. Sometime later in life, I finally realized that this type of imagery was wrong but I was still a child so this didn’t stop me from watching them. With the passage of time my thinking got worse and then came the phase of adolescence.
My thoughts gave me a very hard time till came a day when I learnt masturbation. Even though I had reached teens, there was no one to guide me and without any guidance, I entered into a practice that I regretted most and probably will keep regretting it till the end of my life.
Finally when I realized the horror of what I had been doing, I tried to stop. But it turned out it wasn’t that easy. I had developed some sort of addiction to this Goddamn practice and trying to stop altogether evoked withdrawal symptoms which wasn’t easy to cope with. Finally I did manage to stop myself but not before the damage was done.
Interestingly, no one can guess the real me through my outlooks. I have outstanding academic record. My name is on the merit list of one of the best institutes of this country. My female cousins regard me as one of the most decent boy within our family (If only they knew). Perhaps God has blessed me with everything except peace of mind.
How hollow I feel when someone gives the example of my excellent academic record or my decent personality whereas I am what? A hypocrite, a freak, a pervert. My thinking stinks as it always did. I strip off the girls mentally when i am talking to them. My mind fills with obscene visions during prayers and recitation of Holy Quran and I hate myself so much for being like that.
Sometimes I think of committing suicide. But most of the times I wish Someone was there to guide me, to channel my energies on to positive things.
I am broken now. My mental capabilities have started deteriorating. My memory isn’t what it was before. My grades have started slipping. Emotions are empty. Thoughts are incoherent. If only… if only I hadn’t gotten involved in this, how different my life could have been. I thank God that I still have some goodness left in me which is my only hope now.
I have penned down my story in hope of saving the future generations of our country. I know that life has become so fast now that parents and family members usually don’t find enough time to know what their children are doing. I would beg them to keep their children away from the media and internet and try to channel their kids’ capabilities in positive ways. God save us all!
Reading the title, I expected something more perverted, lol
But seriously, I think you are the exception rather than the norm. Because by your reasoning, 99% of the boys in Pakistan would be “broken”, as you term it.
Well Sir! There was no reasoning. It happened to me i dont know about the others. And you are a genius for thinking me as an exception when the article says in the very first lines that this is only one version of a story.
You do know when people confess?Right? Either in torture or when they are ashamed. People are only ashamed when they are either exposed or realize the horror of their actions. Well Sir! this lesser perversion is the most harmful medically, sharing this spot with homosexuality. And their are risks of malfunctioning later in life. It were these revelations that perhaps started my psyche breakdown. So I am trying what everyone in my situation do. REDEEM.
And I am happy for 99% of those other normal Pakistani boys. But some of them may get broken when they starts facing difficulties in procreating later in their marital lives.
If you doubt me you can always consult the doctors.
Regards,
Author.
Homesexuality is harmful medically? Anyways simple Google search will reveal that there are no medical side-effects related to masturbation. But I don’t really want to argue on the subject so to each his own.
I really like the truth in this article.But I dont agree with the beginning parts.I think there are multiple causes as to why people in our society get into this stuff and all of them are equally important.Secondly,I believe a very high percentage of people from our society have this addiction.So yours is a just a truthful picture of a thought that has crossed many minds.You were brave enough to accept it and thats great.
P.S Medically speaking,masturbation has no proven side effects.But the way I interpret it is that medicine has not made enough advancements to fully comprehend the Islamic teachings.
Dear Sir! I was only implying that a good upbringing makes a person strong enough to shy away from bad practices however tempting they seem or cooler they look. And a lack of knowledge makes us an easy prey for indulging in such practices.
And the Doctor(s) i consulted told me that the ratio of couples facing difficulty in conceiving have increased in the recent years in Pakistan and there is no sufficient data to show how much part these practices have in causing such problems.
It is pretty apparent that the problems started since media-boom in Pakistan and easy access of internet in everyone’s reach.
In the end its upto you to decide. I’d say better safe than sorry.
Or you could appreciate it as “just a truthful picture of a thought that has crossed many minds”.
Regards,
Author.
And which doctors did you consult? Plus, do you sincerely believe that people didn’t masturbate before the media-boom? Your reasoning, sir, is laughable!
No Sir! i didn’t believe that. I reasoned that increased availability lead to increase in temptations.
Regards,
Author.
Those Gentlemen who believe this has no side effects, I’ve nothing to say to them but I do respect their opinions. Now that they have had their say, be off with it.
Actually the worst thing you can do in this situation is give up hope in yourself. And you can’t blame everything on your family or the media, although they did have a lot of influence on you. But once we’re old enough we’re smart enough to make our own choices and someone once said, “A bad habit is only a habit until you can observe it, then it’s a choice you make.”
you should watch this whenever you have time (or just watch it in parts): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p1LpwXBDP8
or this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BNIfki5qdw
they really are very good and are relevant to problems not just at the individual level but at the societal level too (both of which you talk about in your article)
I am not blaming anyone for this. I only mentioned it to tell the negative influence it had on me. And when i involved in this i was immature and unaware.When i matured it seems like(though in all certainty it was my own fault) born with some innate disease(mental?) which you have to fight off before doing anything else.And it’s just that when i am depressed i feel like i am cheated by life. I don’t want this for anyone else thus my reason of writing this article.
And i do have hope. Its not over till its over.
Thank you so much for these links.
Finally a comment to which i am grateful
Really? REALLY?!
First you stay anonymous, and then this post. Tsk tsk, I must say. I expected more perverted tone, more spiciness, more juicy talk, you know, Like A Perverted Bawss. :p
Anyways, I must commend you on your effort. Dont be a cub next time kid.Try to say, Yeah I wrote it. LOL.
To the Author: This kind of behavior is pretty normal. Relax. Lol.
And this author is like .. what, thirteen? OOOO MASTURBATION. MY BODY IS DETERIORATING. HOW EVIIILLLLLL.
I am a toddler for all you know. Perhaps you could have done better than mockery, no wonder you co-founded #karachitips.
And you can apply your impulsiveness to this practice and find the answer for yourself grown-up boy. :/
P.S And yeah! I honoured you with the Google search
Regards,
Author.
@ the author: it doesnt matter wht happened in the past and wht/who influenced who/wht. the point is that u realised wht is rite and wht is wrong for u.try n get up again, fight to live another day. i totally get wht u meant to say. i get the anguish and the torment u went through. trust me. just dont give up……peace
I AM ALSO USED TO IT… PLEASE ANYONE TELL THE CURE… MY BONES STARTED SOUNDS… I BECOME SO FAT… PLEASE TELL THE CURE…
masturbation is a wonderfull experience..and medically its necessary to get rid of old blood..n creation of fresh new blood..girl menstruate..so they need nt masturbate..but guy need to masturbate..u r such a sissy..get a life..
i searched for some perverted confessions on google..i though to maturbate reading this..but it was such a shit.
Author..you are on the right path now….realization is the first step…pray for strength for the next step