King Zardari, Vazeer, Wormtongue and Co.
I have been thinking about Pakistan’s problems recently and I think I have a solution: declare Pakistan a monarchy! Wait! Before you beat me up, at least hear me out. First, don’t the words “President” and “Prime Minister” conjure up images in your minds of educated, well-bred, decent people? Zardari and Gillani don’t really fit into the roles, do they? No, they don’t. But now imagine His Highness King Zardari (the Great) and everything makes perfect sense. A king need not be an educated or able person. In fact, most of the time, he just needs to be lucky. And rich (duh). Actually, he must be VERY RICH, preferably at the expense of his people. Although not necessary, it is an added bonus if the King is extremely self-indulgent, with no regard for anyone else. Usually, a king is a king by the virtue of being some powerful dead guy’s closest relative; in our case, Zardari is Benazir’s husband (or should I say ex-husband?). Do you guys see now how perfect a candidate for kingship Mr. Zrdari is? Plus, Gillani is perfect for a Grand “Vazeer“, loyal and not too smart.
I guess all of you have heard stories about that evil little “Wormtongue” at the court who keeps getting the King riled up against everyone and everything. And who can be better for the job than our very own Rehman Malik! As for the entertainment at court, I’m sure that the Members of the Parliament will be up to the task. Anyone who has doubts about this should watch a video of the recent fight between PPP and PML-N members in the assembly; I don’t know about you guys, but that’s entertainment to me! After all, who doesn’t enjoy a good gladiator fight? Anyways, even if all else fails, we’ll still have Maulana Fazl ur Rehman as the Royal Court’s head jester.
Kingship is hereditary and so is politics in Pakistan; after all where else would you find a 20 year old “mummy daddy bacha” declared Chairman of a major political party, except maybe North Korea, but that’s basically a monarchy too. Anyways, in Medieval England, the chaotic War of the Roses between the House of York and the House of Lancaster finally gave way to stable Tudor rule and although we are not quite there yet, we do have the Houses of Sharif and Zardari. A war is going raging between them as we speak and I think a suitable name for it would be the War of the Monies.
Moving on, once everything has settled down and King Zardari firmly established on Takht-e-Karachi, Pakistan will develop like never before! The reason for this is rather simple if you think about it; a private business usually performs better than a government owned one because the owners are genuinely interested in making it work and by the same token, once our politicians officially own Pakistan, they will work harder to improve it. After all, no factory owner or businessman ever stole money from his own accounts!