Stalkerazzi
By Sanniah J. Minhaas
The author is in her sophomore year in college, and an Editor at Ideas Evolved.
What do I do when it’s Saturday night and I realize I’m never going to fit into even a size four or have perfect teeth? This is the time, when I open my Facebook junk inbox. No I’m not a neat freak cleaning up my inbox clutter but instead I resort to a rather hideous occupation.
Meet my ‘Stalkers’. Good old chaps who employ a completely new dimension of the character ‘knight in shining armor’ and keep me from falling into a self-involved, self-conscious oblivion. And no I’m not alone – no female has been spared from a display of her ‘charm’. They will praise you, they will bully you and they will try and convince you that they have been in love with you since the 6th century and that ‘we are meant to be’ since ‘every match is written in heaven and you just fell from the stars into my arms’. The first time I fell victim to this whole charade, I was rather flattered. I had just said good-bye to Enid Blyton and was immersed in stolen steamy romance novels hidden inside O level Biology textbooks. So when Hot Boii sent me a Facebook message saying that he had come across my picture and found my eyes to be ‘twinkling stars in a mantle of oblivion’ I was sent to the ninth heaven of joy. Later, I found out my best friend had been told by Waqas Boii that her ‘hair was silk to his otherwise callous hands’ I was rather disappointed. Geez, Hot Boii, way to go for studying English Literature.
Things would be different for my stalkers if only it was not in my knowledge that the same exact messages that litter my inbox are also in the possession of some other big-eyed, long-haired girls with rather good display pictures on Facebook. So now I just compare them to a germ infestation really, sprawled all over cyber world with a virus of extreme boredom or just generally a very sick idea of fun.
Lets view some specimens from my facebook inbox shall we?
Specimen 1: they keep it short and stick to the point. Not very flattering but still they let you know they’re interested.
a) “kn0ck kn0ck . EyLo0o0″ (EyLo00ooo to you too)
b) “hi. Can I add you?” (at least you asked)
Specimen 2: They will convince you that you are better looking than Katrina Kaif and will spill out their hearts to you
(extract from a 600 word letter)
c) “There is certainly no doubt about this that you are going to consider it another flippin * Fraandship * request, but then I am such a brill lad, that I always believe in giving it a try by considering myself to be jammy enough to capture your attention.
If you ask me, than the only reason why I am dropping you a text is that I have lost the plot and gone nutter since I have seen your picture, and even though it was one hell of a next task for me to spill it out but yes you made me say that *you truly are a beauty* unlike other mingers I normally come across.
Why am i having a lip with you? Why am I saying all this crap?
The land, the city where I was born and bred was the same as yours and I certainly have no doubt how guys pretend to be so sick in front of girls and fancy every single girl who catches their eye. Then no matter whether it’s a Bus stop, a signal, a café, a hospital, the moment they see a girl they go barmy as if she is the only girl in the world (Rihana)* lolx..
(and it went on for a few pages until…)
Stay Blessed!! Xxxx”
And so when I didn’t reply;
“WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ????what do you want? what am i suppose to think, what am i suppose to say?wrote one hell of a message for you, and you ain bringing yourself down from the top of the mountain…WHAT IS YOUR STORY?”
(gee I didn’t know I was on a mountain and that you were having a ‘lip’ with me ‘brill lad’)
d) “heyy hiii
ummmm dunt hv anythng else to say
ok…. “wanna frandshap wid me?”
seroiusly dude every hawt girl has gota bf nd every girl dat i cm to know as my gf is nat hawt….. seriously em fed up… u r the one whum i dunno so dats y em sharing… blah blah i dunno wat em sayin’”
***********HELP MEE**************
(I didn’t know that ‘hawt’ looks were all to you)
Is it just me or are these specimens really misinformed about how to ‘get a bachhi’? Hasn’t anybody told them that they should just read ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus to get a better picture of ‘chicks’? I guess not.
Ask me why I read these on bad days? They give me laughs and leave me actually feeling better. Take a look at this one that my male friend translated into what he calls ‘guy lingo’
e) ‘Hi,u have a nice style (i found u attractive).Very smart dressing u have (probably sexy). I like the way u dressed(attractive sexy). U should be a brand embassadar of CHEN ONE….!!!(because chen one one of the only is the only brand i know of)”
Flattering isn’t it? The next pink Floyd or should I say Coke Studio song should be “Hey Stalkers leave us ‘chicks’ alone”
I could go on and on about my stalkers but why bore you? Or rather why flatter these particular ‘men’ with the knowledge that I actually read their messages in my junk box? The moral of the story is:
“Ladies and Gentlemen that most of us need a life.”
No related posts.
I don't get it. Why would you let 'everyone' message you and then take a piss out of people who IMO are only saying nice things to you? Have you never accepted a friend request from someone who has pm'ed you with the intention of getting to know you better? You can easily use the privacy settings to prevent people not in your friends list from messaging you. I am sure you get some messages that go beyond the limits of decency but the ones you wrote about seem to be simple harmless requests by boys who are trying their best to befriend you. What's wrong with that? Secondly, these send-and-see-what-happens messages don't really come under e-stalking.
I don't know why girls never admit it but I am sure they find it flattering when they open their inbox and see loads of such messages because if they really didn't, they would simply not allow everyone to message them.
You write well. Just need to choose better topics I guess.
Eid Mubarak.
Simple friendship requests? By people who are trying to befriend her? And what part of those messages is NORMAL, bro? =P
I am sorry to barge in this conversation but it's plain ol' annoying.How would you feel if someone calls you 50 times a day or sends you random "Faraaz" , Good morning, Good Night, Good Evening, Happy Eating texts
It's funny at first but then it just get's on your nerves. How would you feel if someone named HeArT Cr@cKeR/bReAkEr/H@aCker adds you on facebook? Flattered? I think not.
Hahahahahah
However, this is not restricted to men only.Women are right behind them. .
As far as this article is concerned, it's great. Waqaas Boy is such a Lord Byron
Heart CRACKER? Was that for real? =D
Girl stalkers are slightly different though. They mostly mention the things that you could do together- thats almost like asking you to suggest that you can do it together.
Hahhahahaha.Yes.There were three of them
heart cracker, breaker and hacker 
I remember my grandfather used to get these calls from this girl and she wouldn't leave him alone.I think she proposed marriage.This was a very funny incident.
Amna, you are right. It would really be annoying if someone 'keeps' calling 50 times a day. However, it seems boys Sanniah wrote about didn't send her 50 messages but just a one or two messages asking her to add them. That shouldn't be annoying for a girl as long as lines aren't crossed.
I as a guy get friendship requests as well (although obviously not as many as you girls). If I don't wanna add, I ignore. No tension.
What part of those messages is abnormal Ziad? Almost all friendship requests start with some sort of a compliment. Now these boys probably aren't as eloquent as the person they are trying to be friends with, but do you seriously see any malice in their words and gulabee english? If some person thinks Sanniah is pretty and lets her know by writing a whole 350 words essay on it, how is that 'evil' or 'not normal'?
Here is what I really think. Girls who complain about getting oh so many compliments and friend requests are basically just, kinda, sorta, showing-off. There, I said it!
The abnormal part is that they want to be friends BECAUSE she is pretty or because they think all the girls who were interested in them were not pretty. THATS whats abnormal abt the friend requests sanniah mentioned.
And abt showing off that she's got stalkers- come on man. What are we? Nine?
Isn't that how the whole physical attraction thing works? :/ Why are you finding it so unnatural that boys are trying to be friends(and more) with a pretty girl? It has been happening for centuries and will continue to happen. This isn't exactly a facebook phenomenon. And what's so wrong about "Hi, can I add you?" or an "EyLo0o0"? I mean, someone says hello to you and you label him/her as a stalker? What are we, five?
And yes, when a girl selectively complains about the compliments she gets, yes, it is showing-off, although in a very subtle-I-don't-really-care-about-the-compliments-but-yeah-keep-them-coming sorta way. Nine or nineteen or ninety-nine.
Btw, Eid Mubarak. Let us all calm down and enjoy constructive criticism.
wow. that actually annoyed you?
i dont know why you think its ok to make something superficial like looks or lousy luck with the looks of past friends a reason to ask another girl to be friends. If it was that normal and innocent bro, they would have been receiving such requests from girls too. but of course, these arent innocent friendship requests.
I sound annoyed? Seriously? :/ Ohk! Sure Ziad, if you say so.
I guess you have never been attracted towards a girl cuz of her looks. Why else would you find such a concept so alien? Guys like pretty girls. Girls like good-looking guys. GENERALLY speaking of course. That's how the natural emotion of physical attraction works.
My point is, even if a guy approaches a girl with cheap "Your father must be a terrorist cuz you are the bomb" type lines, you cannot/should not label him a stalker unless he continues to annoy you with such advances. In this case, a guy says eylloooo to Sanniah and he is added to the ever-growing list of her facebook stalkers. But hey, I am not a facebook expert. Probably you are a much better judge of what innocent friendship requests look like.
Hahahaha u do have a good way of making a point =P
But see, the thing is its alright to be attracted to a girl, but "seroiusly dude every hawt girl has gota bf nd every girl dat i cm to know as my gf is nat hawt….. seriously em fed up… u r the one whum i dunno so dats y em sharing… blah blah i dunno wat em sayin’”
***********HELP MEE**************"
do u think THIS is a genuine reason?
This guy, this poor clueless soul is trying to look brutally honest in an attempt to flatter her. He then tries to fake his inability to come up with proper words to say to her and ends up pleading cuz he is so dumbfounded by her beauty. Man that is so cute. And yeah, he IS genuinely interested in finding a hot friend and more. Ok before you go all doublew tea eff, relax and read on.
I am not defending these cheapsters. I am just saying, you don't call them stalkers just cuz they decided to approach a girl and used their best trait (in this case cheap lines) to woo her. You IGNORE them and move on. However, IF you start complaining about them publicly, you have (probably subconsciously) entered into the realm of narcissism. We ALL do it at some level. Heck the other day my friend's status was, "Damn it, I am so sick and tired of driving an Audi. I need a new car!". Now to an unobservant eye, it would seem he is complaining but he is ACTUALLY letting everyone know he has an Audi and he is rich enough to get sick of it.
So technically he is not a stalker but he's still not a good guy and he's not doing the right thing by trying to befriend an unknown girl by telling her that she's better looking than his past friends? I can live with that.
If we can laugh at ourselves for our own silliness, we can laugh at other's too.
I dont really approve of these acts but these aren't annoying or anything to complain about either. they are just funny and ridiculous. I mean, they are probably people bored shitless or some people just too desperate. Either way unless they are really bugging the crap outta you it is all tolerable.
And Ziad, I would say that there isn't any evidence to say that these aren't good guys. Well maybe some are but you can't tell. Maybe some desperate people out there looking for some attention. I don't like this way of communication but I am just saying that you can't judge a person entirely on such a message with the exception of peoples like He/-\Rt-Cr@cKeR$ =P
if he uses below standards tactics like adulation or just lies than the guy really is stooping too low. Otherwise i guess, just ignore the funnily constructed ludicrous inbox
And my problem with you calling her a show off is that it doesn't help you prove your point. You are getting personal and its uncalled for.
The point Sanniah is trying to make is that they send the same message to all the girls out there.That clearly shows that their intentions are not honourable.
Actually Amna, I wouldn't be so quick to judge them. They send the same message to all the girls just to increase their chances of getting a response. On top of that, they try to make their message stand-out. Guys who don't get many opportunities to socialize with girls offline do end up sending such mass messages. There is a difference between being desperate to befriend a girl and having dishonorable intentions.
that's true.
It is a general article and nothing too flashy in it. doesn't show any signs of boasting or showing off.
even if it did, courtesy dictates that one does not point it out on a public forum. although I am sure the editors would keep the other editors in check to maintain the credibility of this blog.
Not sure what you mean by the last part, friend. Did the editors cross a line or something? Something to harm our "credibility"?
You misunderstood me. I meant, that even if one editor writes a sub-standard article (huge emphasis on IF
) then the other editors would surely ensure that, that post never made it to the blog =)
Simple as that.
guess what sanniah, am one of those neat freaks who regularly clean up their inbox clutters =P i never keep old messages, just the active threads =P and how does THAT make me a "freak"? =P
Btw, I am assuming you didn't use actual facebook names here, did you?
Yes. but we have taken notice of that and fixed it now.
Well hello there scorpyn. Quite a jazzy name you have there
First of all I sincerely apologize for ‘showing off’ as you call it. I promise you my intention was not as such. Believe me if i wanted to ‘show-off’ I wouldnt really be sharing the contents of my inbox or the embarrassing short-comings in me as I listed before.
As for be-friending my stalkers- this really isnt boy meets girl where you add an unknown person and things go all nice and normal and you end up with a kick-ass friendship. So yes, I do believe adding random girls only because they have nice display pictures is creepy and deserves to be mocked.
Lastly, lighten up will you? This was pure entertainment just for reading pleasure. I really didnt mean to change the face of Pakistan with my article on Stalkers.
Oh and thank you
I am quite glad to know that you think I write well.
Eid Mubarik to you too!
A not-so-subtle swipe at the alias. Nice. 'Scorpyn' has a long story behind it but nevermind that. There is always a long story behind all jazzy names and so you probably already knew that.
Listen, the whole 'showing-off' thing is getting outta hand. Ziad is busy loading his gun and ordering drone strikes and what not. Let's just say complaining even in a humorous way about getting too many friend requests is 'bordering' on self-praise and pretentiousness. As I said in an earlier comment, we ALL do it everyday in one form or another.
And I disagree with your facebook-is-evil argument. I am sure people have found genuine friends there through private messages and friend requests.
You are right though. I need to lighten up. I guess I am kind of peeved at everyone writing about everything on facebook, all the time.
In my dreamworld, this argument ends with you admitting that you do enjoy getting flooded with compliments in your inbox, atleast occasionally
Someone has way too much time on their hands.
*yawns*
Quite an illuminating conversation going on. Mind if I add my own 'two cents'?
@Mr. Scorpyn. I think you need to brush up your knowledge about 'e stalking' as you called it. You keep on counter arguing that all these messages are random harmless texts and do NOT come under e stalking. But umm technically speaking what the writer has described above would definitely classify as cyber stalking.
In layman terms, ''E-stalking is the act of attempting to find extra information about an individual via the Internets'' .
But you need a proof? Go to http://www.cyberguards.com/ and click on Cyber Stalking. It links material from US Dept of Justice. Sanniah's words doesn't appear to be enough for you but I hope US Dept of Justice would be more to your taste.
And why do i keep thinking that we all are digressing from topic.
Here's what happened:
MsJabeen gets some annoying stalking messages from unknown persons > She decides to write a funny article about it> End of story (well it should be)
Where does the part of ''you do enjoy getting flooded with compliments in your inbox'', [your] complaining…is 'bordering' on self-praise and pretentiousness'', ''… entered into the realm of narcissism.', ''girl selectively complains about the compliments she gets, yes, it is showing-off'' comes from?
''whole 'showing-off' thing is getting outta hand'' TRUE THAT
But err YOU are the one who started it. Who's being shallow and judgmental now? I mean FORCRYINGOUTLOUD this article is shelfed under 'Brainless Blitz'. This was just meant as a reading pleasure!
Sigh. Let's get back to eating sher khurma shall we?
Whoops. The post went a bit too long.
@Sanniah. Nice article
*thumbs up* But it would be nice if you try to write more regularly.
and why oh why ALL your articles end up being so heavily commented upon? =P Mark of a good writer I think =P
@Scorypn. No hard feelings mate. Although I still wish you would have stayed on topic and realized that it was just a wonderful piece of satire instead of targeting the writer. But I take it's freedom of speech, eh?
'I disagree with what you say but I'll defend to death your right to say it.'' – Voltaire
The knights keep coming don't they!
This from the link you posted:
What Is Cyberstalking?
From the U.S. Department of Justice
Although there is no universally accepted definition of cyberstalking, the term is used in this report to refer to the use of the Internet, e-mail, or other electronic communications devices to stalk another person. Stalking generally involves harassing or threatening behavior that an individual engages in repeatedly, such as following a person, appearing at a person's home or place of business, making harassing phone calls, leaving written messages or objects, or vandalizing a person's property. Most stalking laws require that the perpetrator make a credible threat of violence against the victim; others include threats against the victim's immediate family; and still others require only that the alleged stalker's course of conduct constitute an implied threat. While some conduct involving annoying or menacing behavior might fall short of illegal stalking, such behavior may be a prelude to stalking and violence and should be treated seriously.
So now you tell me, can those messages be classified as stalking?
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read ALL the comments and responding..thrice..and also researching on e-stalking. You are right. Quite a few someones here have a lot of time on their hands.
I guess part of the reason why I came out all guns blazing was cuz the original article was posted with actual facebook names. Now when I read the edited version again, it doesn't sound so personal and insulting. Oh well.
HAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH sorry for laughing hysterically. Conversation IS quite interesting =P You flatter me by calling a knight but since this isn't a crusade waged by you so why prefer calling names?
I should have made my point simple: The author got some annoying messages. She thought it came under e stalking. She wrote a humorous article for everyone's benefit. For "pure entertainment". Little did she know that instead of appreciating the dark humour involved someone would read her article and brand her as a show-off, narcissist, pretentious and what-not!
'Someone has way too much time on their hands. ' It's not rocket science that I was merely referring to your TEN comments/replies and your impulsive need to prove your point of view.
And oh it's really comforting to know that you do not found the article 'personal and insulting' anymore. I wish you could have just read it a couple of times before offering your so-to-say knee-jerk reaction.
*you do not find the article…
my bad.
Sorry for keeping you waiting. I was away on a road trip.
It's not rocket science either that I was referring to YOU spending way too much coming up with a comment (copy/pasting my lines, googling e-stalking definition (which kinda backfired), reading all my comments etc. etc. etc.). Secondly, I wrote a single comment on the article itself. Rest of them were just responses to Ziad's comments. Anyway, let's not make this a personal battleground with these back-and-forth arguments.
My original comment was based on the original article (which had the real names) and so that's why it came out a bit more aggressive than intended. The author and the editors know that I think.
This will be my last comment on this post. You can go ahead and have the last word. Hope you had a fun Eid.
You really can't stalk a person if you aren't in her friend list or if you don't know her.
Staring at a profile picture and sending messages that aren't returned fall way short of the general description of stalking you know.
So I'll just butt in to say that the word stalking is being used to liberally here.
And yeah, Scorpyn is over-doing the pretentious and showing off part. There really isn't anything in this article which suggests that. Just criticizing something that isn't even there…
The moral of the story is: “Ladies and Gentlemen that most of us need a life.”
BEST.LINE.EVER. =D
(sorry couldnt resist
)
yeah, i loved the ending too ^_^
"I am a gamer, I have lots of lives" —- An avid Call of Duty Player!
P:S : Sorry, just couldn't resist the sarri
haha! even guys get such friend requests. Though never a 600 word article :O
I want one. Actually, everyone should get one
A stranger's word might even do someone's self confidence a lot of good!
Just as long as they are not creepy men pretending to be girls =P which happens quite often actually =O
I read the article and the comments that followed ,today.Conclusions:
1.I need to get a life
2.The author is very well versed.
3.Scorpyn raised some very valid points but at the wrong place.It was just a light read with not much of a controversy.But nevertheless, s/he raised some points which are like *in-yo-face* for the *cute* and *fragile* chicks out there…
4.and most importantly…I realized I am better at Fraandship messaging than 95% of the randomers!
P.S I think Randomers is a more appropriate word than stalkers.Copyrights!
after reading the article and all the comments i have realized wow! i really don’t have anything better to do!!
hey Sunniah, loved it all the way! specially the cracker/breaker hahaha i mean seriously?? and the last line was epic! we do need to get a life 
This is so true!!!
One of the best requests I ever got was from”Sincere Friend”
“Hello Natasha!
I am new member of Facebook and after reading your profileand see your face want to make friendship with you. I am from Karachi, Pakistan.
There are two categories of boys, one who dare to offer any female for friendship directly before face to face, I think it is unethical and unmannered. The other category of boys who want friendship with female but cannot say before face and directly, because they fears from his honor or her honor or no idea about this result and apprehends that it can be in the shape of dishonor or other way or acceptable? but due those reasons, the facebook has made it easy to any boy for his invitation to girl.
I am sending you friendship invitation, kindly reply it? Hope the reply will be in positive manner, bye and take care”
LMAO!!!! Best hai!!!