The Creepier Side of the Gentler Sex
Jan01

Tags

Related Posts

Share This

The Creepier Side of the Gentler Sex

Posted by on Jan 1, 2012 in PG18 | 57 comments

This post is rated PG18. If you are under the age of 18, please fetch an adult so we don’t feel too bad about ruining your innocence!

By Ziad Bashir

I am THAT editor of Ideas Evolved who almost always writes for The Thought section of this blog. I have often written about politics and society and once even tried my hands at economics. Yeah, I am the boring one from among the 6 editors that keep iE Publication running =P

However, I went through a blog post written earlier this month by a junior editor of Ideas Evolved, Sanniah J. Minhaas, titled The Fantastic Four, after which we had a long conversation about “our” side of the story. Eventually, we decided I should try my hand at a rebuttal to her article on Men. I’ll begin without an intro to the subject – for that you should simply read the original post to which this is a rebuttal.

So let’s talk about girls and how ridiculous THEY could be. I’ve had my fair share of experiences with girls where they would just abandon the realms of sanity and leave you speechless- and not in a good way. And here are those types:

1. Girls who generally act like you are the one making a move on them.

THEY keep mentioning how they are so totally NOT into relationships, “the worst thing that a friend can do to another is tell her k he’s in love with her”. Sanniah coined the term “So-Confused” to refer to these girls. But here’s the kicker- the girl who first said this to ME- ended up telling me a couple of months later that SHE now has feelings for me. My immediate response- wasn’t so subtle- and I still feel sorry about that. BUT in defense of everyone who reacted as I did in this situation, THEY were the ones who’d unnecessarily say this stuff out of the blue and later do a total 360.

By the way, knowing how girls flock around each other no matter who is at fault, I can almost feel many of the female readers doing things to me mentally for being such a fuck.

ANYWAY…

2. Girls who need help, almost-always

THEY are creepy, trust me. So what happens is that you get to know them. And maybe you exchange numbers- probably for some project or activity that you have to do together- so you guys don’t exactly know each other that well. Eventually, you become friends- so far so good. Then they start texting u to tell something terrible has happened and they need your help. Sanniah called them “the desperate and needy” =P

They start dropping those bombs on you- to show that “under that pretense of being so happy, they are actually so sad.”

Since you guys aren’t that good friends just yet, these mentions are subtle. Its almost like inviting you to ask “what’s wrong? Is something bothering you?” Word of advice: NEVER ask her that if she isn’t your best friend yet. If she is a girl you barely know- for your own sake, NEVER give her the permission to tell you things about herself. Act like this instead:

No thanks- I am not about to ask you to elaborate. I am an insensitive ass hole =) OR maybe you are only the 5th girl to be following this routine with me =O (don’t exactly say this out loud- be tactful =P)

This arranging girls into categories thing is difficult. The above kinda is a fusion of 3 to 4 types of girls I have come across.

3. Girls who frequently follow the sent-u-that-text-by-mistake routine.

I mean COME ON =O (to all the girls who are getting offended- if you have never done this yourself, trust me, it’s one of the most common “mistakes” that they commit).

What happens is that they write a really loaded text message, totally emotional- and LONG =O And mention stuff about something you had NO idea about. They might mention that they have a disease and have been fighting it for a while. Or that their father abuses them- ok sorry- I have never come across this one actually- but it’s something they WOULD do if it weren’t such a taboo (all hail PG18). I hope you get the point. Now here’s the best (or the worst part): they actually had to send that text to someone else. BUT they sent it to you by mistake since you were in the recently sent list. Actually that is something that can really happen. And it could be a genuine mistake.  And I do give you the benefit of doubt here. But does it have to happen sooooo often? =O do let me know what you think in the comments. But please, be sensible and stay open to the possibility that girls aren’t models of purity.

I am a skeptic and doubt the intentions of most of the girls who “mistakenly” sent me such texts because a) they ALWAYS carry info that I would normally pity them for, b) how come boys never send me texts by mistake as often as girls do :P (haters BURN =D)

4. Girls whom I love to hate – the suicidal ones.

So these girls have probably tried every trick in the book so far- the ones listed above at least. And for some reason the guy just doesn’t seem interested. “How can he be such a heartless bastard?” *shameless laughter*

“Maybe i m not being obvious enough, maybe he needs me to spell it out for him”. So after 2 or 3 months of being friends- you are sitting one fine day- probably having lunch (the author may or may not be narrating a personal experience here. Assume away :P ).And she is there with you, and you are making do with small talk that new not-besties-yet do. Nothing too serious. Both of you are just tired and overworked. And out of the blue she goes- “you know I almost committed suicide last year…” her voice fades away into silence at the end of the sentence- except there is so much noise in your head you can’t hear yourself thinking.

*dhuz*

*dhaaa*

*teehaaaw*

That’s the sound your brain makes in the few seconds that may seem like months depending on whatever you had been thinking about before it was interrupted by this

“OMEFFINWHAT!>!>!” said Sanniah J. Minhaas as I narrated this to her =P (apologies for quoting you).

You turn your face to look at the alien sitting right next to you. Now boys can react in one of the two ways:

1) They can be total sympathizers. I guess all of us are that kind at least at some point in our life- at least in the beginning when you don’t know much, it might not even occur to you that this COULD be untrue. Again, I know this COULD be true- but I am talking about barely-friends who would drop this info on top of you. What are the odds? Even if it were true- why would you tell someone you’ve known for hardly a month?

Anyway…

But since these girls had been trying to gain sympathy for quite a while, most of the boys probably won’t buy it. The other manner in which guys could react is:

2) I don’t buy it! She’s lying.

2a) I don’t buy it and u r creepy, so I am going to get up and leave without saying a word.

2b) She is so totally inviting me into her pants. Play it right- and you can score this. “OMG you poor thing =O do you want a hug?”

*score*

And eventually the pervert MAY at some point find his way into her pants. BUT that depends; the girl could go all shareef and act like she’s the purest being on the planet. So she may tell you no and embarrass you and you become The Self-Injured Neurotic (a category of men invented by Sanniah).

OR

She could totally go like- OMG he played me. He made a move on me when I was vulnerable because I so totally “trusted” him. Yeah I’ve known a few of them who do stoop so low. Countless stories I have come across- some involving people I knew myself. Now this problem is compounded by the fact that girls group around the one who claims to have been wronged. Don’t they? So though, they might actually be acting fair and supporting the victim, it’s extremely hard to show them that their friend was in the wrong too. (now I wonder how many of you are mentally grouping around these girls =P I guess you’ll let me know in the comment section).

I’m not done yet, folks.

5. Girls who are just so unaware of things

It’s like they don’t even know what the middle finger stands for- true story.

They are easily swept off their feet even if you just offer them a glass of water. But at the same time- you know what- I can’t say this with authority but I THINK these are the ones that are EASILY impressed by those “bad boys” – in the most traditional sense of the phrase. They like guys who break rules, who disregard authority etc etc. Just MY observation. I really respect them though, they are good at heart.

Anyway, so these girls, they are total kids (stereotype, yes. Forgive me). They don’t know anything about the most common profanities, clichés, or those text messages which have a sexual undertone but since THEY don’t understand them they forward it to everyone thinking it’s really clever (again, the author MAY or may NOT be narrating an incident here =D). By the way, these girls have never heard of “harmless flirting”. Honestly, I do respect them a lot but one has to be very careful around them.

O and they have probably studied in an all-girls school all their lives (I know it’s a cliché but it IS true- mostly) =P

I know what some of you are thinking =D “OMG THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME SIX MONTHS BACK =O”

6. Girls who love to admire you

Now THESE girls can be of 2 types:

1) Just a harmless crush, would just go pink around you but never make a move. They would support you, laugh at your unfunny jokes, be kinda adorable now that i come to think of it =O but that’s not the point. There is one problem with this adorable child- she is sensitive! I am not saying that’s a fault in her but it does require you be extremely careful around her.

If she likes you, she will cry when u have a fever even if you are enjoying the day off (and then all your friends expect you to spend at least half an hour with her on the phone to convince her that you are ok- why does she have to think we are lying just to make her feel better? :@). She will call you to inquire why you didn’t come to school; or college, and if u don’t pick up her call, she’ll try again and again- unless you pick up the phone to yell at her that you are trying to sleep here. And then obviously she won’t talk to you for a couple of days.

Moving on to the second kind of such girls:

2) SHE is the Tarzan! She also has no prior experience with boys. She is just as gullible, BUT she is SO possessive about the guy she likes, she’ll act like she owns you because she saw u first. She will stalk you, she will call you and demand that you be in her presence in the next 10 minutes. BUT she will defend you shamelessly (and often needlessly), she will make you uncomfortable by looking out for you- forgetting that you are twice her size and don’t need looking after (no personal experience no personal experience no personal experience no personal experience :O forgive me).

Your friends would notice her behavior around you. “She’s a maneater,” adds Sanniah J. But she won’t have a clue. And the worst trait of all: SHE won’t let u talk to other girls :@ oh how that gets on your nerves :@

If you do talk to any other friend of yours from the opposite gender, she will come and stand between you and act as if she is just joining the convo- worst part of this scenario- the friend you were talking to doesn’t take it well even if she tries to be polite.

And that about sums it all up =D

I can’t believe it took over 2000 words to do this :P I swear the 3000 words report on a research project is WAY harder to do -_-

Related posts:

  1. Dark Side of the Moon