The Ring of Gold turns to Stony Burden
Pakistan has a great culture rich with customs. It represents a unique amalgamation of diverse cultures. Although the majority of Pakistanis are Muslims, there is still a strong influence of Hindu culture that is prominent in marriage ceremonies. The people here are so zealous about everything they celebrate, be it Eid or a wedding that none of their celebrations lack enthusiasm.
The unaffordable extravagance
What I think about Pakistani weddings nowadays is that they have lost their true meaning. It actually is a ceremony to celebrate the wedlock of bride and groom and bring the two families together. However, they are now usually marked with ostentatious displays of wealth. It has merely become a status symbol. I mean a wedding ceremony is not a gathering to brag about each other’s wealth and resources right?
There is this woman, who happens to be my mother’s friend. She got her 20 year old daughter married recently. I heard that they spent beyond their ability. And it disappointed me when I got to know that they couldn’t educate their daughter further after intermediate due to financial constraints. So the question arises that why do people who can’t even afford to educate their daughters, spend so extravagantly? Wouldn’t a decent wedding, without extravagance, be enough to celebrate and to carry out all the playful ‘Rasoomaat’?
Almost all of you must have attended a wedding at least once in your life. As far as my experience goes, there are some things that I particularly hate about Pakistani weddings.
Number one: The mad rush for food. We all love food, I know. But there is always a ‘Muhazzab tareeqa’ for everything. They attack the food just like a lioness attack the zebra. Have they never ever seen this much food in their entire lives? And what happens? Half of the food gets wasted. The other half finds its way onto the lush new clothes of guests during the ‘food fight’. This has happened in almost all the weddings I have been to.
Number two: The teenage girls must have encountered this. The Rishta-hunter aunties, dressed in gaudy colors who scrutinize you with their hawk-like eyes from head to toe. They always freak me out. They usually start off with the never ending accounts of their children’s achievements. They would say that their son is in Harvard or their daughter just made it to a well-known medical college. They usually put me to sleep. -.-
“Is it really necessary that the ‘Dulha’ should have the latest model car to be decorated?”
Number three: The ceremony never, I will say it again, NEVER starts on time. At least I have never experienced an on-time wedding ceremony. Sometimes the ‘Chacha’ or ‘Taya’ hasn’t arrived, without whom the ceremony cannot be commenced. Sometimes the arrangements are still going on when the guests arrive. I think they should not mention the time on the invitation cards. What about those who are so punctual that they will arrive on time seeing that even the lights are switched off?
Timings are not followed as if coming late would make the late comers special. The Niqah is at 7, but they usually have to wait for someone who arrives two hours late.
Number four: The extreme grandeur of the whole affair makes me uncomfortable I have mentioned this above already that people spend beyond their means and resources. I don’t understand why we are tied in a vicious circle of flaunting our wealth. Is it really necessary that the ‘Dulha’ should have the latest model car to be decorated? Or to invite professional dancers and singers?
What people fail to realize is that if even half of the amount is spent on the couple, it would help them in the future. Moreover, there is an additional burden of dowry on the bride’s parents. I hate the system of dowry. I have observed that even the girl gives a list of things she wants as dowry even though half of the things she wouldn’t even use her entire married life. The parents fail to realize that the best thing they could give their daughters is education. The material things will not guarantee her a secure future but a good education would.
And all of this show off of wealth, ‘rasoomat’ and extravagance is due to one question that keeps on nagging at the minds of our society. “If we don’t do it, what would our relatives think?” or as it is widely spoken “Bradri kya kahay gi?”. Our cultural norms are so deeply dependant on how to make other people happy that we end up burdening ourselves and destroying the very purpose of the task we perform. Much needs to be done to change this mind-set of our Pakistani people.
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a very thought provoking article. it is time we break free of these norms that end up choking us for the rest of our lives. such a display of extravagance is not suited to a developing country where this money can be used to improve the lives of many illiterate, umemployed, malnourished and poor people. and if not for these noble reasons, then at least it will help in bringing financial stability to the newly married couple. As it is often seen that families spend so much on the lavish weddings but at the end the couple has to start life from scratch. some will take all their lives to earn enough to build a home for themselves that too after such a display of wealth from the parents. ironic isn’t it?
Anyways, good job on your part Eilaf
Thankyou Minnan
I totally agree with you!
Interesting read.
I’m with you on the *rishta-hunter aunties* part. :p And yeah, most people at weddings do act like they haven’t ever seen food. :S
Anyways, I liked the article a lot. Good job.
Hope this custom does change. It’ll take a long time, for sure. But let’s stay hopeful.
Thanks a lot Farheen!
I am hopefull too
Sorry to disagree with you but it’s not the Hindu culture rather the Asian culture. And it’s who we are, just like Saudi Arabia has its own culture. We should not mix religion with our customs or culture.
agreed.
Well religion is the code of life. and should be followed in every aspect. Plus, marriage is not a custom or culture, its a sacred ceremony.
But i totally respect your opinion.
Oh sorry again but apart from my first comment, I agree with rest of the article but you are going to marry once (for most people), so a little extravagance can be done and even more if you have the means. After all it’s the most important day of your life.
I agree. But the thing is ‘if you have the means’ then do whatever. My point was spending beyond the means.
Weddings are more like a display of the status symbol. It gets worse and better as you go down the “social level”.
People misinterpret the meaning of wedding and overdo it in many regards. Some people want to lavish everything on it as they want to make this moment forever embed in their memories and some just have a single offspring so they want to spend all on them, for indeed who else to spend your money on if not your child.
However, people do it to display their hoard of wealth and often end up spending more than they should but then it is not something that has an easy solution.
As for the wedding ambiance, more of a traditional problem nowadays, however I do take it the food part tends to get better as you attend more sophisticated weddings.
we can’t blame a single person for that. this extravagance has been embedded in our culture since i don’t know how long. this fear of “log kia kahen gy?” doesn’t give much of a choice to parents, infact there was time when it was decreed by government to have a one-dish in wedding ceremonies, but u can see how much of it was applied by people.
anyhow, well-written girl!!
Thankyou
Good Job!
Thankyou!!
I couldn’t agree more eilaf!
and since we are on the ‘shaadi-fiesta’ topic.. I would like to add the ‘tea-trolley-thing’. we don’t want our daughters and sisters to sashay on the ramp but we our happy to display them to the rishta people. Imagine how embarrassing it is for the poor girl standing and bearing all the scrutinizing eyes of the people as if she is merely an object!The double standards of our thinking disgusts me!
Good job on the article.
Thankyou both of you!
great job!